Broken Home, Mind and Heart

To all those who have come from a Single Parent Home.

I hope you’ll be encouraged.

A single parent home is not just a home where one parent is physically missing. It can in fact be a home that appears to be one unit on the outside, but has cracks and the characteristics of a single parent home on the inside.

Statistics have said that those who come from a single parent background are more likely to become underachievers academically and are prone to anti-social behaviour. That statistic did reduce my confidence in myself and my stamina to achieve, and admittedly at a point I was a self fulfilling prophesy that lived up to the ‘statistic’.

When I first started studying psychology at GCSE I learnt about self-fulfilling prophesy, whereby people live up to the label that they’ve been given. I realised that that had been exactly what I was doing, and I was determined not to go along with ‘man’s statistic but rather God’s statistic and plan for my life. This determination was the first thing that drove me, alongside the encouragement and guidance from my mother who raised and is still raising myself and my two siblings.

People may say, having one parent is okay, no biggy… ITS NOT OKAY.

Its hard, painful, and so unbearable at times.

The only thing that makes it okay, is having a substitute.

Psalm 68:5 ‘He will be a Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.’

Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. Psalm 27:10

That substitute is God. Only He can fill that emptiness. Only He can heal that hurt. Only He can wipe your tears.

I really want to encourage those who come from a single parent background to never allow their circumstances to inhibit their growth as a person at all! If you have a goal, dream, whatever GO FOR IT!

The cliché thing would be to say ‘never give up’, I’ve heard that so many times and sometimes you can’t help but give up.

If you give up, fine, rest for a while, but you have to pick yourself up again and strive towards that goal, never forget the end result, that should be the main thing that drives you towards your goal. Make sure that the goal is somewhat attainable and realistic. Surround yourself with people who will encourage you on your journey towards your goal, people that will edify you and advice you. There is a motto that always keeps me going,

‘Set goals, and reach them. Aim high, and you’ll do well.’

I love Popper’s swan analogy. The statement ‘all swans are white’ is refuted by the appearance of one black swan. Be the black swan and defy the statistics placed on your life.

Ever wondered why I call myself ‘Doctor Kanayo’. Its because that is the label I will live up to. This is what I answer to, because it speaks into my future! Call yourself what you want to be in the future, and trust the God that calls into being things that were not as if they are. (Romans 4:17 NIV)

Summary

1. Don’t go by Man’s statistic, go by God’s statistic.
2. You are not a self fulfilling prophesy of negative labels placed on your life (you learnt a bit of psychology today :P)
3. You can and will succeed.
4. Psalm 68:5, read it any time you feel down.
5. Kanayo loves you all!
6. God loves you MORE!