So I came across this quote/image/screenshot of a common rhetoric among men and and women on social media.
It read: ‘do you love him enough to wait until he becomes who he’s supposed to be?’.
I have a small but serious problem with messages like this. It almost minimises the responsibility of men to get their act together and places an extra burden on women to do the waiting, the primping, the construction working, the loving and some.
Too often we see a call on the woman to ‘wait’ for the guy and do the following:
‘You need to bring out the King in him’.
‘You need to build him’.
‘You need to mould him’.
‘You need to show him who he truly is’.
Sorry, when did women start handling clay? When did women’s roles become confined to that of a construction worker? Didn’t Adam know himself before Eve was made? Aren’t we all clay in The Potter’s (God’s) hand (Isaiah 64:8) to be moulded by Him?
Scripture says, ‘iron sharpens iron’ (Proverbs 27:17), not iron sharpens clay. Iron will cut clay and if you follow this analogy, a man who does not know what he is made of will be offended, intimidated and cut (figuratively speaking) by a woman who does.
Back to the initial quote.
In this instance, if a woman decides to wait. She must consider a few things:
It’s your choice
She can choose to wait at the risk of knowing that what she is waiting for may never come to pass in that guy…but personally, I’d rather commit to a reality rather than a promise! She cannot turn around and pretend like she didn’t know he wasn’t the ‘all made’ guy when they started.
Never mistake the promises of man with the promises of God. God’s promises are YES and Amen. Man’s promises are fallible. Many women make the mistake of elevating guys in their lives prematurely based on a ‘promise’.
In Your Waiting, You must WATCH
Like a year has four seasons, watch that guy in all his seasons. Don’t rush because you’ve seen him in the summer when things are sweet. What is his character saying in ALL seasons. In the hard times is he still focused and optimistic? In the time to harvest, is he lazy? Is integrity his mantra? Is he consistent? What is he like when he is angry?
Allow ‘Adam’ to attend to his garden before attending to you.
Genesis 2:15, ‘the Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work and keep it’ (ESV)
If he cannot look after what God has given him, what makes you think he can look after you?
Does he love you enough..?
Where is the call for men to ‘wait’ for their ladies to be made…? All this talk of ‘do you love him enough to wait?’. Does he love you enough to admit that he is not ready rather than padlocking you!?
The likelihood of being with a guy who has it altogether is at best an idealistic dream, and likewise for men finding that ‘altogether’ woman. We must manage our expectations because we are all ‘works in progress’, BUT the difference is that some are actually ‘working’ and others are sitting waiting for someone to build them.
I’m all for supporting someone’s growth, but that’s literally it…’supporting’. I don’t grow for them. They have to want it themselves. They have to do their part. When a woman takes on the responsibility of building a man (who is not her son), she puts herself at risk of guilt and extreme disappointment, a) when the building isn’t functional because it is missing the parts that he ought to have built, b) when the building can’t withstand the winds of life because of its poor foundation.
What are you waiting for?
If you choose to wait, you must know what you are ‘waiting’ for. What is his vision? Do his works match his faith?
In summary, know what you’re waiting for. Don’t be swayed by the promises of man, for we are to have total faith in God and not man. In your ‘waiting’ make sure you are watching. Be realistic but don’t be afraid to love yourself enough to exit.
Join the conversation and feel free to share. What are your thoughts on this rhetoric? Ladies will you wait or nah? Fellas, do you expect a woman to wait? (Remember to share your opinions with grace and scripture)