Forgiveness requires us to surrender ourselves, our pride and our right to be offended.
A psychologist, Carl Rogers, suggested that in order for us to narrow the gap between our present self and our ideal self we need to engage in ‘unconditional positive regard’. What this means is that our regard for ourselves and for others should always be positive, even in the absence of ‘conditions’.
In other words, people do not have to do anything in order to receive positive regard from you. Now this may sound bizarre. However, this is exactly what Christ implores us to do; “to love each other as we love ourselves”; to receive forgiveness whilst offering forgiveness, even without an apology; to extend grace without any condition.
Hearing ‘I’m sorry’, ‘I messed up’, ‘I feel terrible for what I did’ is like music to our ears. It feels good when someone acknowledges their wrongdoing towards you and oftentimes it makes it much easier to forgive them, right? But what if they never apologise. The reality is that some people will never apologise for their wrongdoing towards you, and waiting on them to apologise before you forgive will cost you your mental freedom. This is why we must LEARN TO FORGIVE, EVEN WITHOUT AN APOLOGY.
It doesn’t make sense to forgive those who have no remorse. It defies our childlike understanding of basic manners—the staple of every conversation, yes, no, thank you, please and sorry.
Only people who are really striving to look and live more like God’s word concerning forgiveness are able to rise to the challenge of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a fleshly activity; it is spiritual, but we often forgive, expecting a fleshly response and so we become disheartened because the act of forgiving someone has not appeased our flesh.
As Christians, one of the core elements of our relationship with God is forgiveness. We would have no relationship with God if He did not reach out and forgive us, even in our sin. We would not have a relationship with Him if Christ—God the Son—chose to wait for an apology from us before dying for our sins on the cross. God did not wait for an apology before forgiving us. ‘…While we were STILL SINNERS, Christ died for us’(Romans 5:8 NIV). The Lord’s Prayer includes, ‘Forgive us our trespasses AS WE (present continuous) forgive those that have trespassed against us’ …not those who have apologised to us.
Kanayo is a Multi-award winning, Author and Senior leader in education whose experience ranges from being a Deputy Head of Sixth Form, Head of Psychology and Lead Practitioner. Kanayo believes that these 3 elements are the driving force of her ministry and career. D.I.G; Drive, Integrity and Grace.
Having a psychology degree provides me with a broad scope to experience many industries and fields of work. Although, my main aim is to continuously learn and also to share my knowledge and experience with others, within and beyond the constraints of the psychology community. Hence my pursuit to teach!
Hopefully, the readers of this blog will find that it is infested with a scope of psychological knowledge, with the intention of conveying psychology in such a way that it is interesting and understandable to those who aren’t studying it as a discipline. In addition, you will find that I heavily cover various topics aside of psychology such as, Christianity because I am a Christian. I draw both passions together, Psychology and Christianity, observing how they complement and sometimes clash! This blog is where ‘Psychology meets Scripture’.
As well as teaching Psychology, I know God has called me to do something far greater in this world. My passion is for His Word and to encourage others to read the Bible, fall in love with it, but most importantly…fall in love with The Author! My role of teaching is not limited to psychology. I strongly believe God is stirring up the ‘teacher’ office of the Five fold ministry in me.
I’m a doctor by virtue, healing and performing heart surgery with words of encouragement.
I am extremely driven and passionate about getting everyone; both Christians and non-Christians to read, understand and live out the word of God. To achieve this, I’ve created online Bible Challenges, whereby people around the world via social media, read a book in the Bible, one chapter a day and share what they have drawn out from the text. I have numerous Bible challenges, all accessible from my blog (www.doctorkanayo.com) and the YouVersion Bible App where over 250,000 people have completed my devotionals around the world. One Bible Challenge at a time, I aim to change the skewed perceptions of the Bible being irrelevant and to show the true reality that the bible is ‘juicy’, tremendously relevant, fun and easy to read. My one prayer is that my teachings and writings from His word, will touch at least ONE person. That would be a serious mission accomplished to the glory of God!
If you have anything you would like me to blog about, do let me know by either commenting, or contacting me via my contact form.
Thank you for visiting my blog. With love, Kanayo x
View all posts by Kanayo Dike-Oduah
